New Delhi, March 5 (IANS) She is multitasking but doesn't know how to cook, she doesn't have the patience to deal with nagging in-laws, doesn't want children within a year of marriage and her focus is on building a successful career. Meet the new age 20-something Indian girl who's fighting the 'matrimonial ad' battle with her parents every day and shattering the stereotype of what is expected of a conventional Indian wife.
It took one brave 'tomboy' Indhuja Pillai, a Bangalore-based 24-year-old, who calls herself 'not marriage material', to awaken the underlying frustration in many girls across the country on the issue of being pressurised by parents to find a groom via matrimonial websites, ahead of International Women's Day.
Sumesh Menon, co-founder and CEO of Woo, a women-centric matchmaking app that highlights women's expectations and concerns about marriage, says that Indhuja's plight echoes the sentiment of millions of Indian women, who don't subscribe to the idea of the 'ideal bahu'.
"They long to be accepted for who they are and not forced into any boring, uncomfortable moulds. Women now want marriages of equality, where whatever applies to the man is equally applicable to the woman - be it independence, social life or work," Menon told IANS.
A string of regular surveys by popular matrimonial website Shaadi.com has indicated that marriage queries annoy single Indian women the most; that Indian girls are more forthright about their preference to meet a prospective groom before his family; and that meeting match-seekers due to family pressure tops the complaints of eligible women.
That notwithstanding, their parents, in the endeavour to settle them down at a 'right age', resort to finding arranged matches, via relatives, friends, and now often through matrimonial sites.
According to a news report, the very fact that Pillai's parents made her sound desperate to get married to a "good groom" in the "groom wanted" ad, drove her to create her rebellious "matrimonial CV" on a website - marry.indhuja.com -- to ensure that the right message reaches the 'right' candidate.
The profile created by her parents highlighted her education and occupation, while her self-created profile shared more insights about her personality, interests and expectations. This included her revealing: "I'm not a drinker and I hate smoking. An eggitarian, not a foodie. I play badminton, sing and dance.
"I wear glasses and look dorky in them...NOT a womanly woman. Definitely not marriage material. Won't grow long hair, ever. I come with a life-long guarantee and I commit for life."
Her partner preference is also as clear as it gets.
Kudos to Pillai, says 28-year-old Trisha Naik, whose family sits with profiles of shortlisted candidates on a matrimonial site every weekend.
"I thought of doing the same as Indhuja the moment I got to know my family has started searching for a groom for me. Indian families are patriarchal, and they believe in showing an unreal version of their daughters," Naik, who felt proud upon seeing a younger girl take a bold step and break the stereotype, told IANS.
"Ultimately, it is us who face the complications later in our married life. So why not clear things now rather than regretting it for the whole life," Naik added.
Sujata Shekhawat, a 34-year-old single working woman, has been going through the 'matrimonial process' for a long time.
"I was depressed and irritated after a few encounters with prospective grooms and their families. Questions like living with the family, cooking, as if it is women's only job, made me so furious that I decided not to settle down till the time I get someone who wants a soulmate, not a maid," Shekhawat told IANS.
Relationship counsellor Jai Madaan says being your real self and honest is the key of any good relationship, and that's what Indhuja aimed at.
"Honesty reflects from her talks. Nobody is 'perfect marriage material', else there had been no fights and divorces. So to be honest and vocal about yourself is very important so that nothing raises false expectations," Madaan told IANS.
Alas, that for many Indian families, a "subdued", not a "rebellious", bride fits the bill of a 'bahu'.
Still, Madaan feels that "sensible men get attracted to a woman's honesty and boldness."
(Nivedita can be contacted at nivedita.s@ians.in)
Indian Embassy shifted to Poland amid the ongoing war in Russia and Ukraine, Ministry of External Affairs informed
Russia-Ukraine War: Because of the rapidly deteriorating security situation in Ukraine, especially in the western parts of the country, the Indian government has decided to temporarily move the Indian
Russia-Ukraine War Updates: NATO's big bet to surround Putin, Sweden, and Finland will get fast-track membership
More than 80 days have passed since the Russo-Ukraine war. Even after passing so much time, the heat of the war does not seem to be diminishing. Western countries are taking various measures to
China Economy: A market condition in China is bad, foreign investors are preparing to exit
After five years of the ruling Communist Party's conference in China, the stock market there has seen a big decline. According to media reports, foreign investors can sell massively in the coming time
Transfer of DIG investigating Lakhimpur violence: Upendra Agarwal, who arrested the minister's son, removed, five IGs also changed
The Uttar Pradesh government has transferred 6 IPS officers late on Thursday night. The most important name in this is that of DIG Upendra Agarwal. He was the head of the team probing the Lakhimpur
IND vs ENG: 'Gill's real test will begin now', said former coach Greg Chappell before the fourth Test against England
Former Australia captain Greg Chappell believes that Shubman Gill has performed brilliantly in batting against England and has shown glimpses of his potential as a young captain, but his real test
Salman's reply on 1000 crore fee: Bigg Boss host said - If I get so much money, then I will never work in life
Salman rubbished reports of getting a Rs 1000 crore fee for Bigg Boss 16. This season will start on 1st October. There were reports from August that they were charging Rs 1000 crore. Salman denied
Tension in Sino-PAK relations again: Chinese doctor killed in Karachi; 14 Chinese nationals killed in Pakistan in 14 months
A Chinese doctor was murdered after entering his clinic in Karachi, Pakistan on Wednesday evening. The doctor's wife and another Chinese national were seriously injured in the attack. China has been
America reiterates support for India for a permanent seat in UNSC, and says it is necessary to keep Security Council credible
President Joe Biden on Wednesday reiterated America's commitment to giving India a permanent seat on the Security Council to ensure the credibility of the Council. Addressing a high-level meeting of
Army commander visits Samba, meets field commanders
Jammu, March 24 (IANS) Army's western command chief, Lt. Gen. K.J.Singh, Tuesday visited Jammu and Kashmir's Samba district where guerrillas attacked the an army camp last week and interacted with
India vs New Zealand Test Championship final: ICC decided the rules of the match, for the first time one day reserve for the Test match, if the match is drawn or tie, then the two teams are joint winners
The International Cricket Council has given its verdict on the first World Test Championship final between India and New Zealand from June 18. The ICC says that in case of a match draw or tie, it will
